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Enlighten Me...
bitched @ 11:34 a.m. on 2003-09-18 Haven�t written in here because I�m ashamed of all the horrible things I�ve ever said about my mother. Yes, this is me I�m actually saying this stuff. No I wasn�t abducted by aliens; no I haven�t lost my mind. I just can�t ever fathom the fact that my annoying mother might not always be there. Its amazing how much we take shit for granted you know? One minute you�re laying in your bed feelings sorry for yourself for giving you these horrible people as parents and the next� You�re thanking god for choosing them as your kin and just praying for another day with them. It hurts. It hurts worse than being punched in the face. Reality. What a fucking trip. All my life I�ve been around alcohol and I�ve never been one to booze it up. I think maybe its because when I was 16 I fucked up and got alcohol poisoning and can�t remember that faithful night. I try, but I can�t. All I have are flashes and what people tell me �and what they say scares the shit out of me. Anyways, my point is that ever since that night you won�t ever find me drunk. Buzzed, maybe, but never ever never will you see me drunk as a skunk. Never. So why is it that other people can live my life and yet they�re alcoholics? What�s so different about me? You know, they have commercials for cigarettes about how dangerous they are and how they kill millions a day. Why don�t they say the same fucking thing about alcohol? It kills. It can kill you, me, the person across the street, someone innocently walking home� It�s fucking lethal man. And it�s killing my own mother. I can�t fucking take this shit. Not knowing what she�s doing, thinking� I used to hate her for it, I HATED her when she was drunk. Now that the shit�s hit the fan I feel no hate for her. It�s as if every inch of hate, anger, and resentment was thrown out the window. All I care about is my mommy. I want my mom. I need my mom, I LOVE my mom. Why does shit always have to dump on me at the same time? I could handle bad news; I take the shit pretty well actually. But when you throw it all on me at the same time, I can�t deal. Its bad enough that Christina�s being a bitch, my best friend lives hella far away, my best friend here is a bitch, I�m in debt, my grandpa is a shobanistic bastard, I have to worry about his health 24/7, I might loose my job because of budget cuts, I have no motivation in life� Now my mom. I don�t want to sound like the poor little girl with all these problems� But I can�t help it. I can�t help the way I feel. I shut it all out and pretend like everything is fine but in the end I just end up making things worse by ignoring them. Liver disease led to cancer for my grandma, I don�t want this shit to happen to my own mother, not that she�s in THAT deep. I don�t think. So I�ve been looking into this shit, SHIT and its scary how much it sound like my mother. Why isn�t there a bigger commotion about this? Why is everyone ranting and raging about stupid shit when there are bigger huger problems going on in the world? It makes you think. It makes you see life differently. I now think about life in general. Its so fragile, so pure. But we make it ugly, we make it so hateful and terrifying. We take it for granted, we load it up with poison and damage each other in horrible ways. There are such beautiful things about each and every one of us but no one stops to think about it. Fuck it. I�m starting to sound like a missionary or some shit. I watched �Wuthering Heights� last night on MTV. WOW. And I mean WOW. It was amazing, the plot I mean. Cuz the movie its self sucked ass to me, the acting was HORRIBLE! Oh my god it disappointed me to the end. Erika Christensen (Cate) was okay I guess, I mean she was like the main part of the movie. I cried at the end. It was SO SAD! I JUST have to read this book written by Emily Bronte. The storyline is excellent, even if the cast sucked ass. I love you Katherine Heigl because you were Isabel in ROSWELL but you�re Isabel character in this movie� I don�t know. I mean she�s a good actress but I just didn�t �feel� her in this movie. I can�t explain it she looked odd. Like she was trying TOO hard to get into character. I can�t express how awesome the plot is though, I think its definitely worthy to be called a classic. It was so weird seeing two Roswell characters together. Isabel and Mr. Parker. Ha! I wonder if they were like hey! Remember Roswell? Hahahaha! I doubt it because Katherine hated Roswell supposedly even though it was Roswell that made her because no one knew who she was before that. Erika�s acting was acceptable I guess, wow she has a beautiful voice! She sang in the movie and I was like wow! Her opposite character in the movie, Mike Vogel, was such a stud and his voice sends chills up and down my spines. Oh my god man, he�s one of the musicians that can easily sing your clothes off! Seriously! He�s THAT good! I must buy the soundtrack to this movie because he�s awesome and Erika�s voice is beautiful. Oh and I forgot to add that Amiee Osbourne was in the movie, she wasn�t really a huge part but she was in it none the less. The guy who played Hendrix (Cate�s brother), he was weirrrrrd! I was like is that guy on crack? I mean seriously, he could be such a hottie if he cleaned up but in the movie I was seriously looking for track marks on his arms. I got to say that Mike�s character Heath was mouth watering and drool worthy to the last ounce. My god I wish I could have one of those! He loved her soooo much it hurt! I�m not going to say anything else or I�ll ruin it for anyone who wants to see it but I have to say� Watch it. I mean the acting between the two main characters is good but the rest of the cast sucked ass to me. They could have tried harder. I better go, its almost lunch time. You Know You Love Me, ~JBehrsGurl P.S. Desiree� If you read this DON�T tell a soul about what you read. Not your mother or anyone. Its just a speculation. One. << | >> MOVED - 09-08-04 test - 08-18-04 Hola El Stupido - 06-09-04 Hola El Stupido - 06-09-04 Whoa Momma! - 05-24-04 Even OLDER... |