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Disapointed...
bitched @ 12:01 a.m. on 2003-09-10 I so shouldn't be up this late but oh well. When am I ever in bed early? I saved so many pictures to my computer today its pathetic -well not really considering I will use every single one of them in various layouts. It'll be fun. Too bad it take me like freaing FOREVER to do a layout. I don't understand how other people can make layouts one two three, it takes me forever! Plus they always suck. It pisses me off. How do the get so many damn ideas for the layout? The design I have no problem with, its the layout part that baffles me. How many different ways are there? I dunno but apparently there are many ways. Too bad my brain doesnt think of them first. You know I have to pay him 20 bucks a month now? I would have no problem with that but the fact that I gave him 20 bucks today for no reason and now he says since he gives me lunch money for work that i should pay him 20$ back? I wanted to be able to do things liek thatw ithout him having to tell me to do it. Whatever but thats not all, then I get a "warning" from fanatics about a banner in one of my fics that I havent touched in over a year? C'mon man, give me a fuckin break. All those power hungry moderators can kiss my fat ass. I finally finished my EPiC REjEcTs site. I'm so tired, so tired that I cant even remember what the hell I was gonna write in here. Is there anything to say? I dunno. I'm tiiiired. I bought my brother a 70$ jersey yesterday on my credit card but I got paid so I can pay them back now and its all good. I saw Joe ummm Joe something from Kennedy last night and he still looks cute but he had a gf lat time I checked. He was really nice to me at the counter. Oh god here comes pappy watch him yell at me cuz I'm still up. Arrrgh! Anyways I felt so fat last night, seriously. I felt like a fat tub of lard. So I'm on a diet. I eat soup or my 99% Fat Free Teriaki bow! whoohoo its microwavable! Well I leave you with a dumb part that I wrote in my lame attempt at an original story: It�s different. Being older, wiser, and more mature. Growing up. It�s what it�s cracked up to be. I can remember when I was a child, looking up at all the adults surrounding me and thinking, �I can�t wait to be a grown up!� Well now I�m almost there, and let me tell you, I wasn�t. I finally understand why parents wish they were �your age.� I understand this now; too bad it took me 19 years to comprehend. Look at me, lying here on my bed barely clothed and drenched with sweat. No air, no wind, not even a gentle breeze. I�m dying; I know I am because my life is flashing before my very eyes. I see myself running through the woods of our backyard, catching butterflies and setting them free, collecting wild flowers and avoiding bees. I see myself having fun, the light golden brown ringlets of my hair bouncing as my legs strive to keep running, to further the distance between me and my home. Never looking back as the distance between the house and myself grew thicker. Now I see myself dangling my feet over the riverbed beside out house. I can see my tiny toes wiggle and toothless grin. Sitting next to me is my next-door neighbor Rob; we�re watching the water flow beneath us and counting the fish. His blue eyes sparkling against the sun, our skin browning in its light. We�re running along the shore, pretending it�s the ocean and we�re on a deserted island. We�re running from my best friend Kiara, she�s trying to tag Rob. Now it�s high school; I�m walking and talking to friends, laughing at something someone said. I�m approaching my high school sweetheart, I�m kissing him. I�m alone, waiting for the phone to ring but getting no response. I�m listening to my mother tell me he�s not going to call, not now, not ever. He never calls. I remember these things now; I can see them. I can feel them, but that doesn�t matter right now, because right now I could care less what happened in the past. All I�m hoping for is my future, will there even be one? I�m home, alone and scared. Home. What a joke, I�ve lived in this house all my life and I�ve yet to feel as if I belong here in Shingle Springs.
Dumb? I dunno where that came from but it did then I decided to reinstall my Kazaa thing and I DLed "California" by Phantom Planet and "Rest In Pieces" by Saliva. I also am SOOOO mad about tonights The O.C. episode! argh! I have no words! Night.
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