. . . ENTRY |
Novel, I hope!
bitched @ 4:32 p.m. on 2003-07-18 Quickly before I forget. I'm going to see How To Deal today! Yeay! It's based off Sarah Dessen's "Someone Like You" and "That Summer" wow! I love her as a writer! The guy in it, Trent Ford -aside from being a major hottie he said that Sacramento girls are hotties! I'm a SacTown girl so yeay! PLUS he's a Kings fan! Man! Way to my heart!!!! Okay, he's so going to be my next layout as soon as I freaking get a hold of a computer with adobe photoshop!!! Even Stevens is so damn funny, I was watching it and I love it. Man Ren's boyfriend "Bobby" is freaking hot! Who dat be?! I think Even Stevens is over though :( man why do all the good shows gotta end? Shia is fucking hilarious!!! Most important -other than the fact that in 5 days I'll be with my ONE AND ONLY BEST FRIEND IN SOUTH CAROLINA! Ahem, exsqueeze me a moment. I started an original that I think I might work to get published. Yeayness! I;ll post my parts here and MAYBE if someone reads this they cane sign the guestbook for feedback, lord knows I need feedback, be my critics! I hope I be a writer someday!!! *prays* Ironic! The name of my book will be either "The Prayer House" or "The Prayer Room" I'm leaning towards room. Snippet: Chapter 1 She�s sad. She won�t tell you she is, but I know. I know because I know her, because I am her. I�m there when she lets her guard down, when she starts to cry. I�m there when she watches him, when she prays. I�m even there when she doesn�t want me to be. I�m there because we�re the same, we�re one. I am her and she is me. It�s depressing to realize that you refer to yourself in a second to third person type way. Grace, my therapist, said that I do this because I�m afraid to embrace myself, to love myself. And that is why Grace, is no longer my therapist. I�ll just get right down to it, I won�t bullshit you. Yes. I have my share of problems; yes I�m the child prodigy. But you know what? I don�t care. I don�t understand why I have to be the perfect loving daughter my family wants me to be. I�m not Krista, my beautiful older sister, I�m not Tobias, my genius older brother, and I�m not Snuffles, the flea infested family dog. I�m just plain and simple me, Neko Chase. No perks or special abilities. I�m not perfect, not even close. I don�t try to be either; I accept what life�s given me. Why can�t my mother? Thankfully my stepfather, Greg, is always around to distract her, to pull her away when things get rowdy. My stepfather the hero, always has, always will. It�s like he has radar, the moment things get out of hand, there he is. In all his glory, he�s picking up the pieces and wiping away tears. Life�s great. As long as my mother�s not around, she�ll the devil incarnate I swear. She can make a rabid dog scurry, she can make a raging storm halt, and she can make your life hell on earth� But that doesn�t mean she�s pure evil. I can remember when I was little, when she would hug me, hold me tight. When she would sing me to sleep, or rub my back when I was sick. She would always take my side when my siblings would gang up on me. She would always give me the biggest piece of her famous spice cake with cream cheese topping. She was my mommy, and I loved her. Those days didn�t last long. When I turned nine years old I grew to hate her. I hated her because she wasn�t my sweet loving mommy anymore. She was a drunk, screaming, snapping, hitting monster. She hated me, and I in return hated her. She turn my father away, made him leave, made my life hell. Now that things are old, and all the children are grown up, she blames it on the �depression.� We call those horrible years of our childhood the �depression� years. The years when dad was gone, away from my mother, away from us. He�d send letters, one for each of us a week, promising that once he was settled, he�d come back for us. Until then it was just Krista, Tobias and I, we were left to fend for ourselves, to protect each other from her. When she forgot to take her medication, or when she tried to cure herself by skipping days, or when she drank, she was a monster. She would scream, hit and make us do chores that had already been done. When she would leave the house and not come back for hours, days, sometimes weeks. During those periods I thanked the lord above, and I prayed that she would never come back. She always did though, and each time a little more of my faith would fade away like a wilting flower. She blamed her depression on us, her children. We ruined her figure, her freedom, her first husband, and her life. But mostly, she blamed me. It was my fault because after I was born, her marriage shattered. It was my fault because as I grew older, she lost her sanity piece by piece. It was because of me that she began to drink. Then, when everything seemed to be worse than it could be, my father left. I was nine years old when he drove away during the night without so much as a good bye. His letters of apology did nothing to sustain the bitter rage and fear that grew inside myself. Krista and Tobias believed he�d be back, but even at my early age I knew better. Who would come back to her? Eventually my grandparents had to step in and took charge. Living in a Mexican family can be a bit overwhelming at times. Because when there�s a problem, the whole family comes to your aide. Krista, Tobias and I went to stay with my abuela and abuelo until my mother got her shit together. You would think that taking her children away would have straightened her up good. Not my mother, she took this opportunity to start over, clean slate and all. She began dating and losing weight, going back to her old ways before she was Mrs. Jesus Dominguez. It took her five years to realize she was a mother again. When she met Greg Chase it all changed. When they married three years ago she wanted to change all our last names to Chase. But my sister and brother ranted and raged until it was just my mother and I who took on the last name. I wanted nothing more than to start over, to forget. Eight years later and I�m still trying to understand what I did wrong, what it was about me that drove her to such madness. I know the �depression� years are in the past, but it�s hard to forget. What do you think?! You Know You Love Me, ~JBehrsGurl << | >> MOVED - 09-08-04 test - 08-18-04 Hola El Stupido - 06-09-04 Hola El Stupido - 06-09-04 Whoa Momma! - 05-24-04 Even OLDER... |