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F*ck'd Up Child
bitched @ 10:00 a.m. on 2003-07-11 Day�s just begun here at the wonderful Bateson Building which I will be stuck in until 5 o� clock today. Yesterday I realized just how fucked up my childhood was, it all started when me and Marci started reminiscing about past events. Well, I started talking about my worst times and Marci was like damn, you had a fucked up childhood. I was like, uh not really? But now that I think about it, I did. For example, one time my dad got so mad at me he locked me in a room with no dinner and made me stay in there for the rest of the day. When I went in there I think it was about 6 in the afternoon but I do remember that I hadn�t eaten that day yet. So, yea. That�s just ONE time. I also used to get the shit beat out of me if I didn�t finish all my dinner, even though my dad KNEW I didn�t eat meat he would still shove it down my throat �literally. It makes me sad, not really for myself but my child-self. Like in Drop Dead Fred when she went back in her childhood and held herself as a kid? That�s what I want to do, because I can remember how scared I was and how fucking horrible it was for me. I had no dad since he always locked himself in his room for days doing god knows what and my mother worked from 2-12 midnight everyday during the week and on the weekends she�d go party. My mother had lots of boyfriends and I fucking hate her for not giving a shit if I heard her fucking in the next room. If I could, I�d go back in time and beat the shit out of her just out of spite. Man, my mom was a first class whore/bitch and you know what? She still is! Minus the whore stuff cuz when she met Rick she changed for the good. But she was never GOOD, she was just like half of normal and to me that was fucking just fine. As long as I didn�t have to go to my dads or spend the night at my tia�s house scared of her clock and her scary ass paintings. Now I look back and I think, no wonder I�m so fucked up in the head. No wonder I have to take TWO anti-depressant prescriptions and they still don�t work very well. I can barely get the fuck out of bed. I don�t know what it is but lately my meds aren�t working, I�m still tired, and sad. But I gotta suck it up ya know? So now that I have my fake ID I just drown it out, I know, I know, alcohol is NOT the answer but after a couple sips of Tequila� You�re just numb. And that�s better than the alternative. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah� Whah, whah, whah� Booo-hoo I had a bad childhood, I�m depressed, who gives a shit right? RIGHT! Okay I think I�ll go try to work on some writing while I can before I have to start actually doing my fucking job. Errr! You Know You Love Me, --(AT least to a point ;) ~JBehrsGurl << | >> MOVED - 09-08-04 test - 08-18-04 Hola El Stupido - 06-09-04 Hola El Stupido - 06-09-04 Whoa Momma! - 05-24-04 Even OLDER... |