. . . ENTRY |
An Update and a Story...
bitched @ 9:22 a.m. on 02-11-04 I really hate this. I hate not having a computer, it sucks you know. Having to sneak a peak at my email and such here at work. It�s annoying. I�d just like to say thanks to the people who have emailed me and left me notes of sympathy for Fifi. She appreciates it too! I wish I had something cool to say in here, but life has yet turned it�s cheek at me. I�m bored, I�m lonely and I have no computer. Yes, I do realize its sad that I�m all down in the dumps because my damn computer is out. But its not that it�s down that�s bothering me so much. It�s the fact that I put so much damn money into it! I finished reading Bookends and am now reading One Hit Wonder by something Jewell, I�ll have to look up her real name in a bit. But so far the book is reallllly interesting. It�s another book based in London it seems. I�m starting to like books based in London though because the dialogue is much more interesting that way. Besides, it�s nice to have a change in scenery, even if it�s my imagination. I�m having the worst hair week. Seriously, my hair is a dry mess and it�s pissing me off. I don�t understand why it�s being a frizz-ball-ass to me all of the sudden. I never blow dry it and I haven�t used a curling iron or flat iron in ages. Since the summertime! Maybe I�m due for a trim, but even then I doubt it will make much the difference. When it rains it pours, literally. I swear everything was going SO good and than WHAM. All this shit falls on me. My job, my computer, my money, and now my hair. Gah! Well I haven�t got anything else to say other than to whine like a bitch about how life sucks right now but I won�t do it. I refuse to be whiner, it may be something I�m quite good at but I won�t give in. No! I shall overcome this obstacle and I�ll laugh in the face of� of� suckiness! So before I end this entry I�m gonna post what I wrote last night on Fifi (the only working thing on my computer �thank god� is my Word) and then maybe peeps will let me know what they think. Be warned, it�s long� �Beautiful day isn�t it?� Kara smiled, savoring the morning air�s scent. Her dark hair a mass of shining curls in the sun, �I have a good feeling about today.� She turned to her best friend Gili, her maid of honor, �Don�t you?� Gili hid her own feelings of dread, she may not have agreed with her friend�s decision to marry the young and handsome billionaire Marcus Weatherland but it wasn�t her place to say. Best friend or not she needed to keep quiet, to pretend the day was a happy one, and to bury her own secrets of a lost love forever. �Gili?� Kara shook her friends shoulders ever so slightly, �Is something the matter?� Shaking her thoughts clear, Gili managed to fake a smile, although weak, it was nonetheless convincing. �Yea, today shall be one to remember.� She pulled Kara into a tight hug. �Places everyone!� Kara�s mother rushed into the room to push all the maids out to meet their groomsmen. Squeezing Kara one last time Gili left her alone in the room, fear and doubt swirling within her mind Gili left the room. She was in love with Marcus, yes, that was true. Marcus had even led her to believe that he too felt the same passionate affection as she. Together they had a brilliant love affair behind the back of the one person who deserved much more than lies and deceit. Gili had awaked that morning with a plan. A plan to not only get over Marcus Weatherland, but to also save her best friend a life of pain. A life of more lies, more affairs and more heartaches than her fragile heart could manage. Yet how she was to bring her plan into action without giving away her own betrayal, was a big flaw in the perfect plan made that very morning. It couldn�t be done, she thought to herself as she locked arms with Marcus� best man, Craig Milton. Smiling politely and wishing that she had never let Marcus kiss her all those weeks ago. Wished she hadn�t fallen head over heels, wish she had seen that it was all just a fling. A whim of curiosity. Glancing over to her right her stomach churned and moaned in protest as the infamous Marcus gave her an encouraging wink. True as it may be that she herself had told him to go to hell just two weeks before, it didn�t lessen the deep ache in her heart to see him walk down the aisle with another woman. Her best friend no less. She deserved whatever pain she received, Gili looked down to the floor, ashamed and hurt. �Okay there?� Craig lifted her face up with his fingers, �There we are, chin up now. It�s a big day, no need for a frown.� He nudged her. His brilliant deep blue eyes and attractive build were enough to make a woman go mad, his face chiseled by the gods themselves. A weak smile was all she could manage without bursting into tears right then and there. The way Craig kept looking at her was a bit uncomfortable as it was, no need to throw wood on the fire. Gili knew from the moment he laid eyes on her that morning that by the end of the day he hoped to have her beneath him, screaming his name. As appealing as it sounded, Gili was not one to give in to such drastic temptations. That was, however, until Marcus. The fact that Gili and Marcus had met and dated first meant nothing, right? Four happy months before Kara returned from her College University and with one look stole the one great thing Gili had. It was a pain at times, but she knew love when she saw it, knew that no matter what she would never get Marcus to look at her the way he looked at Kara that day. �Oh bugger.� Gili cursed, gently pulling away from Craig, �Would you believe it? I�ve completely forgotten my bouquet.� She hoped the small lie would work one over on him. �I�ll be right back, don�t you go anywhere until then now, yea?� To which with a large grin he replied, �Oh no, wouldn�t dream of it.� Quickly escaping out back Gili took mouthfuls of fresh air, attempting to slow her heartbeat, trying to allow herself to be civil. She could just barge in and confess, no, it was much too horrible that way. Gili also then knew, that there was no way to admit to what she had done. Maybe Marcus really did love Kara; maybe what she and he had was just a last rumble in the sack before devoting oneself to another forever. Crazy as that sounded Gili had run it through her mind over and over for the past couple weeks. Was it possible to walk back inside and stand beside the one person she would never wish hurt upon and the one person who toyed with her heart? Yes, Gili nodded to herself, yes she could. She would give Marcus the benefit of the doubt, she would stand up next to Kara, and she would smile, she would congratulate, but most of all� She wouldn�t say anything at all. �More champagne?� Craig�s alcohol drenched breath blew across Gili�s face. �You look so lovely this day, you rival the bride�s beauty.� He shouted in her ear, too drunk to realize there was no need to yell. Gili smiled, thanking him for the compliment and accepting his glass of champagne. Getting piss drunk was something she was hoping to achieve before leaving the reception hall at the end of the night, possibly with Craig, if not him there was much potential in the room. Seeing Marcus and Kara together that night was like seeing two people in love, so much happiness in their eyes, so much excitement. For a moment Gili was lost in them, lost in what she would never have, could never have. She was a horrible person, a horrible friend, and a horrible lover. Unnoticed by Gili, Kara had snuck up from behind her to surprise Gili with a hug, �Oh it�s only me sweets!� Kara giggled when Gili had cried out in fright. Afraid it had been an attack from Craig before she was drunk enough to invite it. �Oh,� Gili struggled to catch her breath, �Oh forgive me, I thought you were Craig come to ravage me once more.� She explained tossing back a glass of champagne. Kara took away the bottle that sat idling beside Gili�s glass, �I believe a cup of coffee or tea is what you need sweets, enough celebrating. You may have celebrated enough for the both of us.� She laughed gently prying the bottle free of Gili�s fingers. With a regretful sigh Gili released the bottle, �You�re going to leave me.� She whimpered, the effects of her many glasses before coming down on her. �You�re going to be a married woman, and you�re going to leave me.� She wept. Bewildered by her friend�s words Kara turned Gili around in her seat, �Oh sod off, who put such rubbish in your head? Have you been talking to Miranda again?� She asked, wiping away the black streaks under Gili�s eyes. Gili shook her head, �No.� She sniffled, �Your mother told me, she told me to start finding new friends because you are going to be much too busy with your own life and it was time I�� Her breath caught in her throat, �I�� �You what darling?� Kara stroked her cheek. �I� find my own one.� Bursting with hot tears of self-pity Gili jumped up from her seat to run across the hall to the exit doors. Not too far behind Kara rushed on after her, determined to lift her spirits. She found Gili out back sobbing on the floor beside a dumpster, dress torn and shoes thrown. Shaking her head sadly she approached the withering pile of satin and lace, even at her worst Gili had a certain light about her. Kneeling down beside the love of her life Kara took her friend in her arms, �Oh what does that old cow know anyway huh?� Gili�s hair hung as a dark thick curtain around her face, makeup smeared, eyes red, face swollen. Kara pushed Gili�s silken strands back from her face with a small smile, �This is your day too you know.� She winked, �Besides, I think Craig fancies you a get deal.� When Gili didn�t laugh Kara knew something was wrong, talk of a new life was far from the actual problem that had her best friend in tears. �Gili Josephine Jonas, you tell me what�s the matter and you tell me the honest to gods truth now.� She snapped, voice strict and angry, �Or by god I swear it, I will beat it out of you if I have to.� She stood up, pulling Gili with her. �Well? Go on. On with it.� Shaking her head Gili looked away, many other excuses forming within her mind right then. She could say she saw Craig dancing with another woman. She could say she really was upset about losing her best friend, or saying that she was just overemotional. Yet Kara knew her too well, she could smell a lie when it was fresh and ridiculous. It was one of her many talents. �It�s nothing alright? And if you don�t believe me than you better bloody well kick off your heels cuz we�ll have a go at it, I swear.� Gili spat, pulling her hair back into a tight ball at the back of her head and with a sigh she so casually asked, �Have you a band?� Both burst into an uncontrollable laughter after that. 6 Months later �I think it�s turning blue.� �No it�s not, it�s more of a pink, or is it a purple?� �Oh shut up, do you have any idea what this means if that stick turns blue? Do you?! My life is bloody well over is so!� �But new life is a wonderful thing sweets. It�s magical.� �I will die, I swear I will kill myself.� �Well than what shall I inscribe on your tombstone?� Kara turned, blue stick in hand to face Gili, �Correct me if I�m wrong, but aren�t I supposed to be the one getting preggers?� She teased. Snatching the test from Kara�s hands Gili tossed it across the room crying out in anger. As it smashed against the bathroom window Gili fell to her knees weeping, always the emotional one of the two she couldn�t quite help it. Kara immediately kneeled down to take her friend in her arms, stroking her hair and whispering soothing thoughts in Gili�s ear. �What are you going to say to Craig?� Kara muttered, rocking Gili slightly. �It�s not Craig.� Gili whispered. Pulling away to look shamefully into her friend�s eyes. Kara�s eyes widened, �But I don�t understand, I thought�� Gili snorted, �Thank god it�s not him actually. Can you imagine him as a father? He�s so bloody in love with himself he has no room to be a boyfriend, much less a father Kara. You know this as well as I.� �Than who? Although it is still not a rightful excuse for cheating Gili, you know my thoughts on such treachery.� Kara shook her head slowly from side to side. A deep sickening feeling swirled inside Gili�s stomach yet she pushed it aside, �His name is Laurey. I met him on a ski trip, we were just friends. Just friends until� Recently. I�m not quite sure what we are now.� Kara stood, offering her hand to Gili who accepted and they walked into Gili�s large bedroom and sat down on her bed. �The last ski trip you were on, if my memory is correct, it was the weekend Craig took you to his parents cottage up north.� Kara crossed her arms across her chest. �I know okay? But nothing happen that weekend, I swear it.� Gili took Kara�s hands in her own, �Craig was angry with me because I didn�t want to ski, you know how uncoordinated I am. Besides, I caught him flirting with my ski instructor anyways.� Gili waved her hand absently, �I was angry with him, I mean, Craig blows up if I so much as look at another man in front of him. And there he was, flirting with this stranger! In front of me! He even asked her to join us for dinner!� �The nerve! Darling why did you not tell me this the instant you returned?� Kara gasped disgusted. �I would want nothing more than to give him a piece of my mind!� Gili laughed, �No matter, because after our fight, Craig went off skiing with my instructor, saying that it was a waste of money and he wouldn�t waste it. Therefore, championship skier he is, he was going to take the remaining lessons from a bimbo who taught piss poorly for 10 bucks an hour.� �That�s horrible, do you know if anything happen between them?� Kara�s eyes were concerned for her friend. �Oh darling how were you then?� �I was a mess, I thought for sure it was over. I mean what woman in their right mind would buy this crap? He didn�t need the lessons!� �Damn right!� Kara agreed. Gili smiled, �You�re so great sweets, what did I ever do to deserve such a friend as a you huh?� Kara blushed, �Oh stop, my head is swelling so.� She giggled. Gili continued on with her tale, �Anyways, I had decided to take a break from my weekend of self pity-� �Something you are good at may I add.� Kara nudged her. �Oh,� Gili scowled playfully, �Hush you, I am not. Anyways I went down stairs to get myself a cup of tea, relax in front of the fire and read that book you insisted I bring along incase I get bored. Oh and by the way it was wonderful!� �Was it now? I told you!� Kara pushed Gili slightly, �Was it not the most romantic book you�ve ever read?� �Well,� Gili shrugged, �I�ve read better�� �Oh come off it!� Kara cried. With a warm laugh Gili replied, �Okay I will admit it was quite touching at the end. But however, had I been the fair Gwendolyn I would have ran off with Jerald ages ago!� They laughed until their sides were sore than Gili went on, �Okay now let me finish here! It�s quite a story!� �Oh really? Will you write a book on it?� Kara teased once more. �You can be such a bitch at times, do you know that?� Gili threw a pillow at Kara who caught it, �So anyways!� She narrowed her eyes at Kara, daring her to interrupt again, �I was already quite emotional as it was, so it was of no surprise that when Gwennie and Jerald had made love for the first time I was pouring buckets out my eyes. The man who had served me my tea even asked if I was okay.� She waited for Kara to control her laughter before continuing, �As I�m nearing the end of the book I feel the couch stir beside me and thinking it was Craig come to apologize I completely ignored him. But when the sound of a paper being opened and folded I then lowered my book to see what on earth Craig was doing. We all know Craig would rather crawl through hell and back before sitting beside me for a good read.� Kara nodded in agreement and Gili went on, �But the man beside me was not Craig, not Craig at all�� Gili sighed dreamingly. �Oh! Is he that delicious?� Kara clapped her hands together excited. �Well, he was. But that�s not who I met, gorgeous as he was he had that same conceited manner about him as Craig. In fact he even looked over to me as Craig had that day at your wedding. The look of approval, of conquering.� �You don�t say? Aren�t we a bit high on ourselves now?� Kara joked. �Laugh all you want but I know that look, and when he moved in closer for the kill I immediately declined before he could feed me his best line.� �Oh you are so cold!� Kara scolded. Ignoring her altogether Gili replied, �He just wouldn�t take no for an answer, I�m betting he didn�t even know that no was an option when it came to men like him. I told him that if I wanted a man like him I would be out skiing with my boyfriend thank you very much. And do you know what he did then?� Kara was speechless, too deep into Gili�s story to comment. �He called me a whore, said that I got my kicks from leading other men on and then shaking them off. Thinking I�m too good for mankind when in reality I�m nothing but a good rumble in the sack. I thanked him for the compliment that I was good in bed and stood to leave but that�s when things got a bit rough. He had grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me back down to the couch, apparently he wasn�t finished insulting me.� She sighed, �That�s when Laurey came. A mass of loose dark curls to his neck and the most delicate features� He wasn�t no GQ model and in reality Craig is much more attractive but Laurey just has this� This aura about him, this sweet, gentle, kindness about him. He came to my rescue and took a cheap shot to the face for me. Remember when we came back from that trip and you asked how it was? And I said lets just say, it was a good thing we took all those damn Tae Bo and self defense classes?� Kara nodded. �Well, that was because after the cheap shot to Laurey face without notice I was furious. You know I don�t like big shots �despite my dating Craig. I threw all my weight to my right side and plowed into him like a freight train; he was so caught off guard that he then tumbled over the couch. I immediately went to Laurey�s aide and with much objection he convinced me he was fine. Bloody nose, possibly broken, but fine.� Kara gasped, �Oh how romantic! Er- I mean, the shame!� Gili gave her friend a side smile, �All three of us were thrown out even when I told them how I was harassed by this goon. But they just were not having it, Craig came in chucking with the bimbo then and demanded an explanation. And you know Craig, the moment he was told how the guy had hit on me, he lost it. And I mean. He. Lost. It. Quite ironic don�t you think?� �Very much.� Kara laughed. �Yea, so while they were rolling around like children I had myself a nice talk with Laurey. And when Craig and the other guy, George �what kind of a name is that anyhow?� Kara shrugged, �Don�t know. But is that when Craig got arrested and we had to come bail him out and take you two home? I wondered how with all the commotion you still managed to glow!� She threw the pillow in her lap at Gili. �Yes, I confess. While my dear �ol boyfriend was incarcerated I was off having a deep intellectual conversation with another man. We exchanged numbers and haven�t gone a day with talking since.� �So how does this all fit together, and darling do hurry because I�m due for dinner at home. You know how Marcus hates to come home without dinner set on the table. He can be a bit cranky.� Gili rolled her eyes in disapproval, �You do know that you have become your mother? At the ripe age of 27 you�ve succeeded in becoming your 65 year old mother.� �Yes, yes. We�ve been through this countless times. Go on with your story, it�s the most romance I�ve had in a month.� Kara urged. Gili frowned, �I thought you said everything was fine?� Kara sighed, �It is darling, it is. Now go on!� Hesitating a bit longer Gili decided to go on, mentally taking note to have a serious talk with her other half ASAP. �Well, Laurey and I were talking one night and I told him how I hated that he lived so far away. I said, wouldn�t it be lovely if instead of these talks on the phone, we could just go out for tea and sit in the sun and chat?� Kara�s grin widened, if it was possible, �I�m liking this one already.� Gili�s heart tightened at Kara�s instant approval, �Yes, well. I do too, that�s the problem. The moment my imaginary scenario was voiced, the next thing I know he�s living not to far from town and we�re meeting once a week for lunch.� She shrugged, �The last couple weeks have been remarkable, we can talk about anything Kara, anything! I was falling, falling so hard and I had no one to talk to, I couldn�t tell you because I feared of what you would think of me. And well, you�re all I have.� �I�m not going to even comment on how stupid you are for thinking that, go on. I want the details. Marcus is going to be furious but oh well, I must hear this!� Kara said enthused as ever. �Lunch turned into dinner, dinner turned into coffee and the coffee was in his apartment� Oh Kara, I know it was wrong, but it felt so right. He said he was falling in love with me, that he knew we were just friends but he couldn�t help it. He�s never felt this way before. And to tell the truth� Neither have I.� Gili fell back on her bed, looking up at the ceiling distantly. �You�re mad about him aren�t you? I can see that little twinkle in your eye you get when you�re so happy you�re afraid.� Kara fell in beside her friend, �You could have just broken things off with Craig you know. Maybe he could even find that bimbo instructor.� Gili laughed hard, �Really though? You think he�d do that?� Kara shrugged, �Oh Kara, I have no idea what to do. I�m� I�m in love with him. With Laurey and it feels fantastic. Unrealistic, too good to be true.� �Alright, alright.� Kara said, �I get it, but what about Craig? That�s one bump in the road if there ever was one. If he finds out that there�s another man�� �He�s going to flip out. I know. But that�s not even what I�m afraid of the most. I�m afraid that even though Laurey loves me back, that�� She touched her stomach, �He�ll be frightened away by this.� Kara�s cell phone began to ring just then, loud and obnoxious for attention. �Oh bugger, it�s Marcus.� Kara cringed as the caller ID flashed across the screen, �One moment.� She hopped off the bed to answer the phone just outside the room in the hall. �Hello?� She answered. Gili tried not to be nosy, she even stood up to walk to the bathroom but the rising voice of her best friend pulled her back towards the sound. �Marcus it�s not that big a deal love. I�ll just pick something up on the way! Marcus, honey I love you, but this macho bullshit has got to end. I will not be pushed around, you knew this the instant you said I do. Now either tell me what it is you want me to pick up on my way home or you can starve. It�s completely up to you darling� Alright, love you too. Bye.� Gili hurried across the room to her bed before being caught eavesdropping, playing with the thread design on the duvet. �Everything okay?� She asked as Kara made her way back into the room. Kara rolled her big bright blue eyes, �He�s been so testy since his father retired from the firm. It�s getting to the point where we�re fighting every night when he comes home. His dinner�s not ready, his beer is not cold, his steak is too raw.� She sighed, �I swear it Gili, if I didn�t love the man I would either leave him or kill him in his sleep.� She shook her head, �Anyways I�ve got to get going if I wish to get him something on the way home.� She pulled Gili into a hug, �But don�t think you�re off the hook yet. Tomorrow, lunch. You�re all mine for the grilling, you got that?� Gili nodded. Knowing full well there was no escaping her anyhow. Their offices were right next to each other after all. You Know You Love Me, ~JBehrsGurl P.S. I downloaded tetris on my phone and I�ve been playing SO much that my right hand is all cramped up! But I�m getting hella good now! I love that damn game! Okay. Bye. << | >> MOVED - 09-08-04 test - 08-18-04 Hola El Stupido - 06-09-04 Hola El Stupido - 06-09-04 Whoa Momma! - 05-24-04 Even OLDER... |